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Address specific events don’t generalize or speak in absolute terms.

When trying to change behavior, focus on observed behavior – not personality or character traits. He coached parents to acknowledge the feelings of teenagers rather than criticizing or ignoring them. But I was amazed at how much of his advice remains vital. Reading this book again after all these years reminded me of how much the world has changed. He contrasts this with typical frustrated or angry reactions: “Look at what you’re doing! Can’t you be more careful? Must you always be in such a rush? Why is it that whatever you touch ends up on the floor?” He sheepishly looked up at his father.įATHER: That’s not what we say when nails spill.įATHER: You say, the nails spilled – I’ll pick them up! Philip, age fourteen, accidentally spilled nails all over the floor. A torn shirt does not call for an ugly scene. A lost sweater need not lead to a lost temper. “A minor mishap should not be treated as a major catastrophe.

I loved this passage from the chapter on criticism: The result was this book, and two other classics: Between Parent & Child (1965) and Teacher & Child (1972). His insight was to encourage parents to use the same respectful approach when communicating with their children that counselors use with their patients. Ginott, who has been dead for forty years, was a well-known child psychologist and parent educator. Ginott, was published before many of today’s parents of teenagers were born.